Playing with fire and getting burnt

A year ago, a crystal ball could never have told me, nor could I have believed it if it had, that I would be approaching the end of 2013 with such a joyful heart. A year of hard lessons learnt in life's classroom, and my Teacher finally decreed that a slightly greater degree of maturity, yearning to be led by Him and a deepened understanding of His love had sunk into me at last. School isn't out for summer yet (is it ever?) but the lessons I am learning now are of a different type - pleasanter, less prickly and more of relaxing into the knowledge that He knows best and learning to ask for wisdom wherever it is required with the confidence  that if it is, it will indeed be given. 

So what did I learn in the toughest school year so far. That when I follow my Teacher, He gives me the peace of knowing that I am in His will, and if that peace is replaced by a nagging feeling of unrest, then it is time to reconsider my choices. I learnt that prayer is answered. Even if the answer is heartbreaking. I learnt that parents could be more than parents - they could be best friends. I learnt that when lessons are being learnt through painful wounds, parents are the best healers with the softest touch and the closest thing on earth to unconditional love. I learnt that my sister is right. Almost always. (But don't tell her I told you that!) I learnt to appreciate her discernment. I learnt that my friends in His classroom could be family (and that I could be myself, even lose my temper and strop off like a toddler, but they would still love me). I learnt to let people into my life. I learnt to ask for help. I learnt that when you play with fire, chances are you will get burnt. But I learnt that there is still healing and joy to follow the pain. I learnt that when hope and laughter seem to be myths and nobody can be or is around, that my Teacher always is. I learnt that when I lose the words to pray, He prays for me. I learnt the value of regular prayer with a prayer partner. I learnt that sometimes it is in the midst of silence and loneliness that my Teacher speaks the loudest.

But perhaps the lesson I struggled with most was Forgiveness. With the capital 'F'. It is so easy to say "I forgive you", or think it, maybe even feel it, but not actually do it. I discovered that Forgiveness was a lesson which takes patient perseverance. It's like a yellow rubber duck in a bath tub. Every time you think you have finally drowned it, up it pops again, as resilient...no...as stubborn, as before. And yet, forgiveness is such a vital lesson. The textbook I use tells the story of the king who forgave his servant a huge debt. The servant left his presence, seized his own servant who owed him a small amount of money and threw him into prison. The anger of the king when he heard this was terrible, and he was enraged at the injustice of a situation where he could forgive the magnitude of debt of his servant, but the man could not do the same for his own debtor. Naturally, in his righteous anger, he threw the servant into prison. And so it is in our lives. My Teacher gave everything for me, even His life, so that everything I ever did, or do or will ever do wrong is forgiven. I then have no excuse not to learn Forgiveness. Forgiveness with its hard, bumpy, capital 'F'. And I did learn this in the end. Tear strewn classes and temper tantrums not withstanding. I learnt the value of a friend who could honestly look me in the eye and tell me I was still not Forgiving. I appreciated a little better, when I pain my Teacher time and time again, the unimaginable awesomeness of His Forgiveness.

This year has seen difficult times, but I have emerged closer than ever before to my Teacher, and wiser and more grateful to and in love with the family and friends around me. 

This post is a bit vague. Perhaps on purpose. Maybe I never wrote it for you. So, as compensation, I will leave you a picture taken on a beautiful sunny day on an icy glacier lake as four intrepid young ladies (ladies? us?) decided to take Canada by storm.